Let's Talk About Forgiveness

Throughout my life, Forgiveness has been a struggle. It made me grow angry and bitter to the injustices I felt were done to me and it caused me to resent God’s word for delaying my vindications. Recently, God sat me down for one of our one on one conversations. So, I want to share what He told me. He told me, to receive justice, I must first forgive those who caused me pain. I said, I have forgiven them. So, he asked me, how are showing forgiveness, when you expect me to inflict pain, knowing that’s not in my nature? Intrigued by the question, I asked God to explain it to me.

He said, first I need you to take some accountability. You allowed certain things and gave comfort to those who inflicted pain because you were too afraid of not receiving their love by protecting your boundaries. I said, your right, go on. Second, when you decided to place your boundaries, your expectation was for everyone to respect a boundary that you had never created before and when they didn’t you exposed your vulnerabilities. This was also true. Lastly, because they didn’t respect your boundaries you attempted to control their free will by expecting them to walk a path that was created for you for My purpose only. God has a way to instantly shame you in His lessons.

So, I told God, yes, I accept responsibility for the role I played in my own situation, but I still felt I deserved vengeance for the pain inflicted, unjustly at times. He responded, yes, I understand your desire for justice, but they are still My children, I still love them, and I will discipline them as I see fit.

During this conversation, he reminded me of the times He had to discipline me for my behaviors. He reminded me of the moments I had to beg Him for mercy. He reminded me that he is still a God who believed in an eye for an eye. He reminded me, that my current circumstance was repayment for the eye I deserved. This conversation led me to pray for those I felt had hurt me. It led me to plead with God to show mercy on those I considered my enemies. It led to my repentance at the idea of feeling my God was unjust.

I share this story because this conversation allowed me to find peace in chaos. It gave clarity to the words paraphrased, forgive them, because I forgave you. Hurt and pain are part of life’s tests to push us to overcome. Now, I choose peace over vengeance. Love over hate. Forgiveness over vindication. None of us get it completely right, but his grace is always sufficient. My path is to help heal the broken hearted, because I know all too well what it feels like to have a broken heart.